the thing about new friends is... their new. these friendships can be filled w/ awkward silences or "where did the time go?" moments. they are very delicate, and you have to be careful not to break them because there isn't much to bring you back. so you cant go invading their space and surprise attacking them like you do your old buddies. but to ignore them is to say they dont matter to you. and they can be created in many different ways. two outcasts drawn together by their loneliness, a school project w/ no choice in partners, mutual friends, and common ground and so much more. some of these move on and take different paths, a best friend or a boyfriend. but some stay there, like a mutual agreement to say hi or nod in the hallways, copy assignments, or work on group activities together. and some just fade, maybe b/c you lost your footing or moved or changed crowds and simply lost touch. I love new friendships. these infinite wells of possibilities.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Posted by Lea Dozen Maple at 9:24 PM
Thursday, April 8, 2010
well, my dad came home last night at 3 in the morning. now before you get any ideas i'll tell you this, he is a dry-waller. you know... construction. but his bosses right hand man basically. and i'm very proud of him although i have never really told anyone. he is a hard working man who provides more than he needs to for his family. he was born in Blue Rock, Illinois if i remember correctly. but he has lived all over southern california depending on where there was work for is father. with 8 brothers and sisters he is kinda in the middle. and a mother he would do anything for really. he dropped out of high school in 9th grade and continued working with his brothers and uncles and some cousins in the construction business. he met my mom at a mutual friends party when she was in her junior year at bishop and they hit it off. a year later they had me. and now you probably think my mother was some kinda whore or something for getting pregnant in high school. well fuck you then. because 15 years later. they are engaged with 3 more children own a house and 3 cars (truck for my dad, SUV for my mom and her troop of kids, and my dads caddie [cadillac]) and are happily in love still. not without bumps in the road i assure you. like when they spilt when i was in second grade or so and my sis was about 1. when during that separation he was arrest for things i never wanted to know even though they said it was okay to ask. i know now though, i kinda always knew. and then he was gone for about 2 or 3 years. but his reason for coming in at 3 in the morning? why i woke up not knowing why, considering nobody else was awake? and why i knew he was home not by the sound of the door opening, or the familiar squeak of his shoes, but b/c a child like me makes it her business to know everything and will make you say stuff and pretend i don't know b/c i'm afraid of knowing and b/c a child who has gone through shit like me knows her fathers presence. he was coming in after being gone for a week and a half. gone in washington b/c work is so scarce he drove for hours to and from a job in the middle of washington. yeah, thats my dad. he's not perfect. and sometimes i truly hate him w/ a passion for reasons i cant discuss b/c of the consequences they would have on my family.
Posted by Lea Dozen Maple at 9:43 PM
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
so, here's the thing. i love my hair. its thick, has a mind of it's own, ans hilights in the sun. and i know for some poeple if they love their hair they grow it out, brush it a million times, and use special shampoos. ekk. thats to much effort. i wash it once a day, brush it out maybe @ times and use whatever shampoo's are in the shower.and i like it short. but anyway the debate inside my head is this:
grow it out vs. cut it off
dye it vs. natural color
b/ci had decided yesterday to grow it out. until i told my mom and she said she was thinking of taking my to the chick who does her hair when she goes this week. bomb right? so now i think im back on the road to cuting it and coloring it. an asymetrical bob. but the color? i was thinking maybe white, dark red or purple. but not all of it; just some of it. so if you got any seggestions feel free to leave a comment
Posted by Lea Dozen Maple at 1:37 PM
Monday, April 5, 2010
how was your easter?? i truley would like to hear how it went. mine was uneventful. well, except for the earthquake. heh heh, i though i was going crazy or some thing but then other people satrted talking about it so i found out i was sane. kinda. but it did end well, my mom, my older younger sister, and i watched a harry potter movie and ate popcorn, brownies, and frosties from wendy's. yum. and my ex said he would actually come and pick me up from the party! i said no for many reasons such as:
- he would have drived
- that would have been illigal
- my mother would have gotten mad at me
- i plainly didnt want to
- and i dont need a guy (least of all HIM) to take me away from my misery
and then! somebody (him or a girl) texted me from his phone saying in spanish "why are you texting my boyfriend" now i know what it said in spanish but just to make sure i asked if thay would text in english and the text came again in english saying what i thought it said. i was confused, asked "what?" and nobody replied. confusing as hell but whatever. and later he had the nerve to call me and i was completly flabergasted and promptly hung up on him. ha. boys will NEVER make sense.
Posted by Lea Dozen Maple at 8:00 AM
Sunday, April 4, 2010
so, its easter! they day Jesus came back from the dead. and i honestly don't have much to say about it. but i like easter egg hunts but i don't like all the colors. and its funny b/c we are gonna go to my tia's moms house like we do every year (her backyard is a school playground) and everyone will be all brightly dressed. except for me. im wearin my black skinnies, white tank w/ a cut up black linkin park tee, black nail polish, dark mood ring, hait in my face, and a paper clip bracelet (of couse im wearing my sharktooth and yellow convese also) so have a bright and cheery easter! i guess.
Posted by Lea Dozen Maple at 1:29 PM
Saturday, April 3, 2010
i hate labels. i cant stand them. its just other peoples way of defining who you are, and i don't like that. especially "emo" gosh, people ask me if i'm emo, or just straight up say i am. did you know that "emo" is also a type of music? and a style of dressing? not a person. when you think of "emo" you think of cutting, hair covering ones eyes, black hair, sadness, loners. and i'll admit, i used to cut my self and my hair does cover my eyes(unless i'm writing, but don't tell anybody) and again i am kind of a loner. BUT. that doesn't mean people can just label me. because i know how to have fun and make people laugh. and guess what i was even voted "most unusual" which i live up to b/c i am by no means normal. and yeah i sometimes succumb to my depression but i cant fudging help it. did you know that depression can be passed on? my family on my mothers side has a history of it. but there is so much more to a person than there seems to be even though we have a hard time remembering that (b/c so do i on occasion). i'm not depressed ALL the time just a good chunk of it.though i defiantly have my high days and so-so days. therapy helps with it though. and im serious it doesn't hurt to get help, no matter how little. trust me i know how it is, i've been there and still am actually.i don't like asking for help at all. but eventually i did ask for a little and i got it it and its not that bad. i even put a link in my link box thing for this website i found. and i haven't called them or used their services or anything but maybe someone else who looks here might. so there. in your face labelers of the world. heh heh. so much for staying on topic.
Posted by Lea Dozen Maple at 4:43 PM